post zen wonderings
July 19, 2010i just went for a 2 day retreat at the Blue heron zen community center.
i was beginning to get into it on the 2nd day but it was also my last day. i really like zen. i like the teachings and the practice, as hard as it is. and i guess in the spirit of zen, what matters if i like it? i have to do it is all that matters.
back in real life now and having to adjust to all the overwhelmingness of reality. too much work to do, too many distractions, too many chores, too many feelings, too many memories…and unlike distractions in a zen room, these memories are obstacles and hindrances for much needed work.
i just can’t stop missing home. i can’t stop missing my childhood. these come back in the most powerful memories. i feel like i remember every part of my life back home. and i miss it. i miss the weather, i miss the places, i miss the history, i miss the surroundings, i miss the people.
yet i know to remember that when i return i also have a vacuum.
i know this is all me being fixed in the past. i have moved on and i do enjoy my life here.
i hope to one day be able to open up some kind of political institution back home, maybe a pan-southeast asian thing — where workers and youth from different seasian countries can come together. it could be a program, or a community spot…where we talk about direct democracy, asian politics, history, childcare, religion blah blah
i feel a connection to the politics back home and i want to be able to contribute.
JUST DO IT!!!
