2 years ago, i was in cherrie moraga’s workshop and she said something to the effect of, describe your prison as you experience it or else no one will believe you.

i don’t live in a prison. i am for the most part, happy and very excited about my life. i know this life is going to be full of ups and downs and hard choices..yet even though its not going to be easy in the long run i need to think of it as easy from day to day cos thats the way i am going to survive and not be so caught up in the challenges lying ahead. Mamos, family, keeping up with the politics, making steadfast decisions when necessary, thinking of decisions as part of a larger picture and not just a flux of individual emotions, dealing with my own sentimentality and hesitations and moments of insecurity, being able to relate, communicate, be honest to people, dealing with doubt that can arise when the going gets tough…and remembering that the tough get tougher and the most important thing is to live with no regrets in the moment, doing what needs to be done, seeing what is right from what is wrong, understanding time. that time is not a flash of immediate instant gratification and heightened sensation but more so the experience of revisiting and reknowing oneself when laying down to sleep in the wee hours of the night, or retelling the story of one’s life to the next generation, to my own grandchildren.

i had a realization a couple of days ago, while walking to my library sanctuary amidst the fast pace of Orchard Rd, that some dilemmas of my generation, or papa’s generation can only be resolved in the next generation…

(Fanon says that ‘each generation must, out of relative obscurity, discover its mission, fulfill it, or betray it.’)

what exactly does this mean. both in the political, social and individual sense?

it means that our lives are continuations of past, lived, histories

that each generation lives thru the contradictions and dilemmas of its time

that certain dichotomies shape the way people approach their own lives, and these dichotomies impact and shape lives, their construction are beyond the will of an individual.

to live in a particular generation is to embody its contradictions

sometimes new material conditions are needed for the dichotomies to be shattered. we are, after all, historical beings. we are shaped by our times…

does this make sense, am i being too abstract

to live with the times is to not be dragged down by the dichotomies of the previous generation, but to shape new questions, carve out new dilemmas that are not constrained by yesterday’s vision.